Okay. So, I had to take one of those competency tests for preemployment screening and it was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had.

A huge red flag came up when their own brief registration form was riddled with simple errors. Such as failing to recognize that maybe, just maybe, punctuation is okay in some of the registration fields, like, saaaay, addresses (”Blvd.”, “#123", etc.). But, bonus: to tell me there was an error, the JavaScript got caught in an infinite loop telling me over and over and over again that I couldn’t use punctuation in any of the fields, but wouldn’t give me a chance to correct it. It took me about six or seven Firefox force quits to finish the form. (Additional bonus: trying the form without JavaScript enabled screwed the pooch entirely.)

So, that’s not a good sign. So I finally get into the ColdFusion competency test and I get to the first question and not only are they calling it “Cold Fusion” [sic], but the very first question has multiple correct answers!!!! Also not a good sign.

Then, finally, to add insult to injury, the bulk of the test has to do with only the most OBSCURE parts of ColdFusion, the ones that very few people use, let alone use often. There were some things in there that in my seven years of ColdFusion experience, I’ve never used. EVER. I’ve never done JRun integration or used the Flash Remoting software or COM objects or WDDX or the Verity engine. I know OF all these things, but I’ve never had to use any of them in my life.

That ended up being about 90% of the test. Almost nothing on, oh, I don’t know, MAYBE THE ACTUAL FREAKING CODE THAT YOU USE EVERY DAY!! To use an analogy as to what’s this like, it’s like being asked to take a test on practical mathematical skills only to go in and discover that it’s actually a test on theoretical orbital physics (and it’s being proctored by someone who doesn’t have a clue about the field, like a history teacher or something).

So, I reverted back to how I got by in school: I did my best guessing. I used process of elimination, guesses based on keyword association, but it was mostly shots in the dark. As an added bonus, some of the questions asked for specific, almost dictionary definitions of obscure ColdFusion concepts, and then gave four multiple choice possibilities that were only a word or two off from each other.

Somehow, I got almost exactly 50% correct. If they take this test seriously (or think that this test somehow seriously determines someone’s competency or experience in this field), I’m going to be pissed and screwed at the same time.