Let’s play the “Insert Your Own Context” game. Here’s how you play: we’ll give you two seemingly-dissimilar facts. You have to make the mental jump between these two facts to figure out what I’m thinking about the subject.

Ready? Let’s play “Insert Your Own Context.”

Fact 1: In the early morning hours, Kelly has inadvertently trapped the cat in the kitchen pantry…on two separate occasions.

Fact 2: We will be expecting our first child in February or March.

You have 30 seconds. Go!

*tick* *tock* *tick* *tock* *tick* *tock* *tick* *tock* BZZ! BZZ!

Alright, time’s up. The correct context is: “Oh my God! Soon, my wife is going to be at home, alone and unsupervised, with my child.”

Thanks for playing!

Wow. Rangers defeat Orioles 30-3.

Thirty runs is a modern-day major league record. The overall record occurred when the Chicago Colts (now the Chicago Cubs) defeated the Louisville Colonels, 36-7, on June 29, 1897.

So, what was happening the last time 30 runs were scored in a Major League Baseball game?

• The first World Series hadn’t even happened yet. It was still six years away.
• William McKinley had just been inaugurated as the 25th U.S. President. He would be assassinated four years later.
• The United States flag had just 45 stars. Oklahoma would be admitted to the union ten years later.
• An interesting new novel had just been written by Irish author Bram Stoker, Dracula.
• A few days earlier, author Mark Twain, responding to rumors of his demise, is quoted by the New York Journal as saying “The rumors of my death was an exaggeration.”
• A month later, Amelia Earhart was born. William Faulkner was born three months after the game.
• The Spanish-American War was a year away. World War I began 17 years later. World War II began for the U.S. 44 years later.
• The Wright Brothers’ historic flight was still six more years in the making. The Ford Model T was 11 years away.
• New York City’s population (according to the 1890 census) was barely 1.5 million people. Arlington, Texas (the 49th largest city in the U.S., where the Rangers play) had fewer than 3,000 people.
• The current holder of the “oldest person in the world” record, Edna Parker of Shelbyville, Indiana, was four years old.

(So, why the quote? Because despite other important events in my life: another sonogram for Kelly where we saw the baby move, a new job for me, THIS is what I end up blogging about. Trust me, I’ve already heard this all from my wife. More on all that other stuff later.)

That’s right, not even fourteen years of death will stop former U.S. Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall from visiting our apartment complex tomorrow. That’s right, it’s the rise of the judicial undead. Already, there have been reports of an undead John Jay attacking small children in suburban New York City.

We receive poorly-constructed printout messages like this all the time from our apartment complex. I could fill this blog with potential examples ranging from the humorous to the slap-your-forehead, “Is our children learning?” varieties, but I choose to spare you all. You’re welcome.

And FYI, this is what they were referring to…er…to what they were referring.

Not dead, just busy. Good things a-happenin. Hope to elaborate more before end of week.

The updated, correct all-time list of top home run hitters.

1. Sadaharu Oh - 868
2. Hank Aaron - 755
3. Babe Ruth - 714
4. Barry Bonds - 687 *
5. Willie Mays - 660
6. Ken Griffey, Jr. - 589
7. Frank Robinson - 586
8. Harmon Killibrew - 573
9. Reggie Jackson - 563
10. Mike Schmidt - 548
11. Mickey Mantle - 536
12. Jimmie Foxx - 534
13. Rafael Palmeiro - 522 *
14. Willie McCovey - 521
15. Ted Williams - 521
16. Ernie Banks - 512
17. Eddie Mathews - 512
18. Mel Ott - 511
19. Frank Thomas - 505
20. Eddie Murray - 504
21. Alex Rodriguez - 500
22. Lou Gehrig - 493
23. Fred McGriff - 493
24. Jim Thome - 490
25. Manny Ramirez - 488
26. Mark McGwire - 486 *
27. Gary Sheffield - 478
28. Sammy Sosa - 476 *
29. Stan Musial - 475
30. Willie Stargell - 475

* Denotes home run total recalculated to exclude steroid-enhanced home runs (calculated by averaging pre-steroid home run totals and extrapolating subsequent steroid-enhanced seasons as if they were performed without the benefit of steroids).

Changes noted in bold.

Here’s the list that MLB accepts.

And with that, I’m done with the public Barry Bonds commentary.